This is why we watch Transfer Deadline Day.

Just when you thought it had outstayed its welcome. That everyone had grown weary of the endless rumours. That, try as you might you just can’t seem to work up any enthusiasm when your club signs a 16-year-old from the Eredivisie. That all the marquee players have been snapped up and you’re only watching the coverage because you’re already committed to it and you feel you have to see it out to the bitter end. Just when you thought that Transfer Deadline Day was over, an Everton fan sticks a dildo in a reporter’s ear.

That’s the magic of football.